ADOPT A PENGUIN _____________ HELP SAVE PENGUINS - Your Number 1 Source of Penguin News Stories Home    News Archives Flat Earth, Penguins and Ice Walls, Aden Investigates...  -- Feb 2007 By Dean Becker ...Of course, you may be sceptical, rightly so after this tiny morsel of information. What you haven’t been told yet is the mass involvement of the Penguin army; the fabled Penguis Khan and his gaggle of flightless birds. "But where did the Penguins come from?" I here you shrill as you spray muffin crumbs over your keyboard. The answer is simple; the penguins were genetically created by the Government research facilities in the early '60's. What for? You ask. Simple. Even highly trained commando's need a hearty meal now and again; the Penguins were created for this sole purpose. This was working well, the guards had a meal which couldn't fly away (purposely creating a flightless bird was a master-stroke of genius) which was available on their igloo-steps; it did, however, go horribly wrong. Not wrong as in the sense of using a Ferrero Rocher as a butt plug, re-wrapping it and giving it to a party guest, no. Wrong as in a Penguin uprising the likes which has never been seen since. Some say that the "Ice Wall" guards took a shining to them (proof of this was handed forwards after a single night of debauchery led to a freak multi-fathered Half-Penguin; the troops were court marshalled and the mother was paid compensation equalling £1,000,000 in sardines) and trained them in the art of rampant murder and rape. Others say the intelligent Penguins were plotting from the beginning, their design flaw of being too smart beaked their creators in the bottom. Whichever side you believe, it is something to take extremely seriously. If this lengthy article has taught you anything, I hope it's that the Penguin army is in too good of shape. My advice? Convert. I know I have.